More Crap

Customer Corrections:

First:
Customer: "Can I have a half of an 8 oz container of this __________?"
Me: "Sure."
Customer: "I thought that would be half a pound (8 oz)."
Me: "No, the 8 oz refers to fluid ounces, and every item has a different weight regardless."

Second:
Customer: I want a half of a small of this."
Me: "Alright,"
Customer: "Stop, I only want half!"
Me: "You asked for half and that's what I have here for you."

Third:
Customer: "I want some of this."
Me: "I cannot see what your pointing at."
Customer (adamantly): "This!"
Me: "I cannot see through the metal shelf at this angle."
Customer: "The ________."

Fourth:
Customer: "I want some of this."
(Walks away before I have the chance to ask how much)
(Customer returns)
Me: "I didn't have a chance to ask you how much you would like."
Customer (Sheepishly): "Oh, sorry."

Fifth:
Me: "Hi there, let me know if I can help you at all."
Customer: "I haven't seen anything that turns me on."
Me: ("Oh, the deli case got rejected. What a shame, maybe next time," thinking to myself)
("The deli case has been usually a means to turn oneself on, but keep it in your pants at least!" A later response by one of my coworkers).

Sixth:
Me: "What would you like today."
Customer: "I have not been turned on, maybe my wife will."

Seventh:
Customer: "Does that have gluten in it?"
Me: "No it does not."
(You'd think that people with allergies should be use to reading ingredients, especially when they are lists on the sign, guess not. Another customer was so pissed about us being out of gluten free salads that typically contain quinoa, a non-gluten "grain" (a fruit technically like buckwheat is) used in tabouli and the like, that she had to make not-so-under-her-breath-remarks such as, well the other co-ops carry gluten free stuff all the time. Hello we just ran out, not to mention that it's almost 9pm and ya' could've come in earlier to get some in the first place because it's popular with non-gluten allergenic peoples! Well doesn't that mean you should make more because the demand is so high. WTF, go buy the 6 ingredients it takes to make this dish, which can be prepared in 30 minutes, by the way).

Eighth:
Customers should have to slice their own meat when they want it shaved, especially when the amount is a half pound or more. Then maybe they'll become vegan, okay likely not, but if they had to kill their own meat they might. At the very least they would have TMJ, tennis elbow (meat slicer elbow more correctly) in their right arm, or carpal tunnel syndrome in their left wrist from catching and turning the meat over onto a piece of parchment paper.

Ninth:
Customer: "I'm ready!"
Me: "Okay, what would you like?"
Customer: "Ummmm." (Still thinking obiously, because they really were not ready in the first place, but wanted attention from someone today because they needed to feel like they are loved).