Wanna be driven crazy?

Come work at my co-op, or for that matter anywhere that customer service comes into play. Lets look at some of the highlights (no, not the magazine that we read as kids and did those puzzles and racked our brain on the find-the-difference-games) from my time in this current position thus far, shall we?

The Tuna Chronicles:

Act I, Scene I
Customer: "Can I have a tuna melt?"
Me: "Sure. What kind of bread would you like? We have whole whe..."
(Clearly cut me off).
Customer: "No bread please."
Me: "Okay... we don't have any means to heat that up for you."
Customer: "Oh, really."
Me: "No, but if you'd like, I could put the tuna and cheese of your choice in a box so you can heat it up in the microwave near the exit door."
Customer: "That would be great!!!"
(A little too excited about that, apparently dead Dr. Atkins' diet is still alive and kicking... FREAK)!

Act II, Scene I ( know these are not very in-depth Acts).
Customer: "I want two tuna melts, with tomato, sprouts, lettuce, and a splash of pickle juice (from the dill pickle jar in the deli case, called the chef's case officially, which makes no sense at all)."
Me: "Okay it'll be a few minutes."
Customer: "That's alright, I'll just be around."
(Meanwhile I start to create and then grill the sandwiches. As I am turning them around so they are evenly melted and so the grill makes are even)...
Customer: "There's not cheese on those?"
Me: "Tuna melts have cheese on them."
Customer: "I don't eat cheese!"
Me: "I'll make you new ones in a moment."
(She never said anything about no cheese, and HELLO when you ask for a tuna melt you get cheese!!! DUH!!! I suppose she blamed me because she was so in a hurry in the beginning of the order that I didn't get a chance to ask and had assumed she wanted cheese, for she said, key word, MELT. Boy was I pissed, can ya' tell)?

Act III, Scene I
Customer: "Do you have sandwiches?"
Me: "Yes we do, and here is the sheet you fill out to make your order."
(It's laminated to save paper, just cleaned up and used again and again).
Customer: "Do you have a writing utensil?"
Me: "Yes, there is a marker right in the front of the basket."
Customer: "That's not going to work."
Me: (Dumbfounded and lacking words to respond, thinking that there might not have been a marker in there I start to look for one, but then see that there is indeed one in there) "Well..."
Customer: "These are the most toxic things you can breath in on earth!"
Me: (Still confused as to wtf he's talking about, then I realize). "Tell me what you'd like."
Customer: "Just give me a a tuna melt."
Me: (This is one of the most toxic things you can eat on earth! Here I'm referring to the mercury levels consistently found in tuna).

For future showings please go back to top of beginning Act of The Tuna Chronicles.