Who knows better?

"I do, I do!" the village idiot yells before the question is fully laid down.

So, I head to the dentist office today and lo and behold I have a new dental hygienist who thinks they know ev-er-y-thing! (You may be able to relate on some level if not totally in terms of the following antics I will divulge about this lackluster tooth experience). Well, let me tell you!

After asking what I've been doing in the past year and learning that I've been abroad teaching and traveling she states with all honesty: "You know I too have traveled and lived in other places, but I just cannot handle how different it is from Minnesota."

Fair enough (I think to myself). "Where have you lived before?" I question.

"Oregon," she confides, "though, the plants where all so different... there were no lakes... and I didn't like that."

(Okaaaay? What the hell, how in the world can you compare living in another culture halfway around the planet to that of another state in the USA? Plus, geology and floral has so much to do with culture, which we got into, but I won't go any further with that).

"I'm such a good traveler, when it comes to watching my friends' videos and pictures from the comfort of a reclining chair," she boasted.

She began by questioning my eating habits after finding out that I was vegan: "Are you combining the correct proteins to meat (no, I spelt that word correctly, keep reading) your needs?"

My reply, "That is a fallacy, which has been debunked by the person who originally recommended it. The person had succumbed to pressure from the outside about what she wrote and suggested for a healthy vegetarian diet."

Her baffled response, "Pressure from who?"

My statement, "From the meat, dairy and egg industries claim that their products are the ultimate and best source of protein (studies from the early twentieth century confirm that, but only for rats and NOT humans, since a rat grows faster while eating meat, for example, that must be better for it, right? Oh, and it also dies sooner than the average rat)."

Silence for several minutes.

Her next question: "How do you get enough vitamin B-12?"

My response, "Though supplements."

Silence once again.

Her next random question, "Do you drink coffee?"

"No, mostly tea."

"Alcohol?"

"Not very much."

Next fun-filled battery of random crap: "Your gums are a bit inflamed."

Gee-I-won-der-why! It's not as if you've been poking a piece of metal in my mouth for the past half-hour. Go figure, it must be because of my diet and the fact that I brush and floss my teeth every single day.

Icing on the cake:
Dental Hygienist states proudly to dentist, "He is so healthy."